The kindness of strangers in fairy and folk tales, and the merits of Silver Nose and Blue Beard

Just a fair warning, this is a bit of a rant.

As anyone who knows me knows, I collect fairy and folk tales.

I've long been perturbed by what we might call "The Disney Effect", and the horrible lack of personality displayed by most "Prince Charming"s and the like. Not to mention the age of the main characters (They always seems to be 16. Yes, sure, lets all find "true love" at sixteen, marry the pretty girl with big jugs in the sparkling dress or the handsome loaded prince with no personality who I just met for two seconds as I was crossing some road or running around singing with woodland creatures like a wishy washy idiot, and never have to work at the relationship or anything else for that matter ever again cause it'll all be perfect.).

Ok, I know that makes me sound really cynical, but we feed these completely unrealistic images of "love" to our nation's kids at a very young age and they all grow up thinking that at the first sign of some hormone-induced love coma they have to rush out and be with that person ("how horrible and unreasonable for parents to impose curfews and tell us that it's not the best time to start having sex or staying out with this very cute person I'm all drooly over! Don't they understand? I'm fourteen! I've found true love two years early!"). Is it really any wonder that we have the highest divorce rate in the world? People rush out and get married and then don't realize they have to work to make it last and stay as wonderful as before. Instead when it gets hard they think they made a horrible mistake and married the wrong person and that Prince Charming or Cinderella is still out there somewhere.

I'm not saying arranged marriages are a better system. I'm saying that at least in those countries where parents talk and try to find compatible matches for their children the people getting married don't go into marriage expecting a flawless and effortless fairytale ending. Unfortunately, you also can also then get things like bride burning and unchecked spread of STDs from undiscussed infidelity which as a rule of culture is accepted and/or at least unmentioned. Not like this is an inevitable outcome or anything. It just is a high hazard found in cultures with arranged marriages like Japan and India. (Japan, India, I'm not picking on you! I swear!)

Really I think that the "Marry for Love" concept can work and work well. We just have to go into it realizing that maturity and an expectation of compromise is a must for successfully knowing who you want to stay with and make it work. Most Disney movies don't promote this. Most of their heroines are anorexic sixteen year olds with abnormally large chests for such waif-like bodies and annoying anti-gravity powers that make their hair very big. They also have a tendency to be sheltered and extremely naive about the world. The who should come upon them or at least into their line of sight, but some worldly giant with gleaming teeth and hair just as bouncy as theirs, and oh yea, usually a title and some money to speak of. Gasp and swoon girls! It's the first guy you've seen with such a charming laugh! Or legs. Or maybe the first guy you've ever seen, thanks to some crazy fairy or sorcerer or prediction combined with over-protective parents. And hey guys! Look at that girl who is somehow skinnier and bustier and more naive that all the rest! And doesn't her bouncy hair just compliment your own? Oh wait, does prince charming have enough personality to notice the naiveté? Perhaps not, but the rest is probably pretty accurate. Commence story of someone or other (step-mom, troll, above mentioned fairy, sorcerer, or spell) attempting to come between them, incapacitating little girlie, who invariably loses heart and starts crying if some crone or woodland creature or whatever doesn't help keep her chin up, and allowing the prince to perform some brawny stupid heroic or other to prove his love or whatever and win the girl and then they marry and there's some narrator telling you they lived happily ever after.
I will admit that there have been some more recent and much more evolved stories from Disney, starting in the 90s with tales borrowed from other cultures, like Mulan, or from history (albeit some really twisted hardly recognizable adaptations of history), like Pocahontas, where the girl isn't so obnoxious and helpless and actually gets a chance to do some rescuing, and the guy has a bit more personality and maybe a little less money too! This is their version of girl power. Notice they're still unnaturally thin and still are assisted by their little animal friends who are male. At least it's a step in the right direction...
Honestly Disney's best films were done in conjunction with Pixar, and I give all the credit to the geniuses over at Pixar's ridiculously awesome complex in Emeryville and wherever else they might work from.

Whatever. The actual reason for this post is something else I've decided to take issue with. And this isn't just with Disney's version of stories. This is with the original stories. Although I will say it's an interesting tell on the cultures they came from and their values and beliefs about gender and ability and the like.

I've been reading Italo Calvino's anthology Italian Folk Tales, and after reading up to the end of "Money Can Do Everything", I had to stop and put the book down and glare off into the distance. Has anyone else noticed how often the protagonist gets help from some random old person or animal who comes up with the brilliant plan that they then pull off and somehow never get any credit or real thanks for? Maybe it's not as pronounced in some of the more modern re-tellings of stories. But if you read the old versions that are collected in anthologies of folk-tales or fairy-tales from whatever culture or country, in the versions or close to the versions that were passed along by word of mouth before they were collected, it's painfully common for the protagonist to be super lazy and unthoughtful, or dim-witted, or to just pass the time bemoaning their condition or situation and waiting. Thank goodness for them they all have some wise old wet-nurse or sailor or random old crone to give them advice if not actually plot and work for them so they can get out of their pickle and somehow end up with some beautiful wife and a kingdom or whatever. Then you never hear of the old helper again. Or they get magical gifts from some animal or tiny person they meet, even though often they don't actually do anything to deserve the present.

Thank goodness for the heroine of "Silver Nose" (also known as "How The Devil Married Three Sisters") who tricked the devil into taking her two older and less clever sisters and eventually herself out of his hell closet and taking them back to their mother. She at least used her own cunning to bale them out. On a side (and hopefully somewhat explanatory) note, "Silver Nose" is an Italian tale that has a more well known French counterpart in "Blue Beard", though the two tales are not really the same. Also, I wonder if anyone has read or heard the Russian "Masha's Tale"? It's actually very much like that. Except instead of a Bear it's the Devil dressed like a gentleman with a silver nose. But the method of escape is very similar. Think laundry instead of cakes and pies.

I'm all for Happily Ever After, I just don't think we should be teaching our children that they come easily.

This had made me realize what an incredible geek I am. I doubt anyone reading this entry is understanding my references.
Oh well. I got it off my chest. This is the purpose of a blog after all.