Monday, January 11, 2021
Slow build
Something I’m coming to learn about myself is that my anger takes a LONG time to break.
When something happens and people are watching my reaction, more often than not I am calm. My instinctive reaction is to forgive.
But that doesn’t mean that I remain unaffected.
Maybe it’s shock?
Whatever it is, my anger rises in the days after the fact. A slow swell that nonetheless is powerful as a tsunami.
Yet after it crests and breaks, my instinct to forgive re-emerges.
I’m stuck feeling like I am not entitled to my rage because I have already expressed forgiveness. And if I express it, people question why I didn’t express it immediately.
And after expressing it, when I am back in a space of forgiveness, people act like I could irrationally enter a rage at any time or like I always hold past offenses against them.
So I try to hold my tongue as my anger swells and crests. I know I will be back in a place of forgiveness afterwards, and I’d rather not muddy the waters.
But forgiveness is not the same as pretending it didn’t happen. Our interactions will not remain unaffected.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment